


Take Your Broken Heart

by tspofnutmeg



Category: Free!
Genre: Gen, M/M, Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto PAST, Original Character - Freeform, healing after a break up, this fic is way too personal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-10-23 09:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10716507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tspofnutmeg/pseuds/tspofnutmeg
Summary: Some days were better than others for Haru.Some days the bakery would sell out of all of his specialties, leaving a small flower of pride blooming in his chest.Some days Haru sighed happily after a dinner of the freshest fish, specifically set aside for him by the fishmongers down the street.Some days in the shower after an exhausting week of work, he’d let his defenses all the way down.Some days Haru couldn’t do anything more than lay down in bed and cry.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a side story for @OhMyNanase's story "A Little White Lie Never Hurt Anyone." It takes place after her story has concluded. You can read this fic by itself without reading her story (but obvs I recommend that you do). All you need to know is Haru moved to Paris in order to move on after breaking up with Makoto.

Some days were better than others for Haru.

Most days the bakery would sell out of all of his specialties, leaving a small flower of pride blooming in his chest. His coworkers were friendly and attentive, happy to try any new recipe Haru came up with. It was more like a family there, everyone genuinely liked each other and accepted Haru with no reservations when the eccentric owner, Sanji Vinsmoke, brought him to his bakery,  _ Boulangerie de Rêve _ .

Sanji had been so thrilled with Haru moving to Paris to work for him, he had a list of apartments ready for Haru to view when he arrived. It only took half a day to decide on one, there was only one with a full sized bathtub, and Haru’s three bags of possessions were quickly unpacked. It was small, so it didn’t seem too empty, like the townhouse in Japan did after he packed all of Makoto’s things away. Haru did what he could to give it some life, fresh flowers from the open air market a few blocks away, paintings he purchased from street artists he found while on his exploratory walks. It was enough to start, slowing adding to his treasures as he accepted this place was his new home.

Some days Haru sighed happily after a dinner of the freshest fish, specifically set aside for him by the fishmongers down the street. Despite not sharing a language, they quickly realized how much the other respected and loved fish, so they always treated Haru right when he would make his almost daily stop. 

Often they would include extra gifts for Haru - small jars of homemade jams or pickles, flavored butters or wedges of cheese, fresh herbs or tomatoes from their windowsill garden. The first time it happened, it was a strawberry and basil jelly. Haru nearly cried when he tasted it, partially because it was delectable, but mostly because it was the first time since he moved he felt like he wasn’t just a visitor. The next day when he stopped to pick up his dinner, he handed over his coins and a small basket of scones with a note saying  _ ‘try with the jam’ _ in messy, basic French. It took him thirty minutes to look up the right translation. 

There were days where even Hau needed to be around more people than his coworkers and customers. He’d pack up his sketch book, plenty of charcoal, more snacks than necessary, and head to L’Aquarium de Paris. He would sit for hours in front of the exhibits sketching, sometimes what was in front of him, but sometimes the peaceful atmosphere was enough to inspire him to create on his own. 

Kids usually approached him here, but they were almost always respectful of his space. They would sneak curious glances at his sketchbook and Haru would hold it lower in his lap so they could have a better view. The braver ones, or the ones who had more time, would sit next to him, not even trying to hide their interest. Haru would push his snacks closer to them as an invitation to stay by him and enjoy. The kids would gift him with giant grins and scoot closer, munching on the crackers or fruit. A few kids would softly ask him questions about how he got so good at drawing or if he only drew sea creatures, but there were a few regular children who would sit silently next to him. Sometimes they didn’t even watch him draw, they just enjoyed the serenity of the water and a friend. Haru liked those days more than he would admit.

Despite how well things were going here, Haru would be lying if he said he never thought about home. 

Sometimes he’d be out shopping in cute boutiques and something special would catch his eye. He’d pick it up, thinking about how much Makoto would like it, momentarily forgetting Makoto wasn’t there. When Haru remembered where he was and why, his throat would tighten as he set the item back in its place with shaking fingers. Exiting the store as quick as he could, Haru would return home, feeling useless the rest of the day.

Some days in the shower after an exhausting week of work, he’d let his defenses all the way down. He could almost feel Makoto’s strong hands running across his back, down his sides, just like he used to. In his state of weakness, Haru would’ve let Makoto take him then and there like he always wanted. He’d cry out Makoto’s name, beg him to touch him, promise over and over that Haru wanted him and Makoto could have him anytime he pleased. 

It didn’t matter Haru wasn’t interested in sex. It didn’t matter it would no doubt hurt Haru every time to see how happy sacrificing what he wanted made Makoto. Haru would deal with that pain if someone would love him again.

But then the water would turn cold and Haru would wipe away the tears hidden by the shower. He didn’t want that, not really. Makoto had begged him to give him another chance, to make things right, but Haru couldn’t believe him, couldn’t trust him ever again, especially not with something so fragile as his heart.

How could he? How could he believe Makoto was thinking about him, not Rin or someone else? For so many -  _ too many _ \- months they snuck around, lies and excuses easily rolling off their tongues as if Haru and his feelings didn’t mean anything at all. The ultimate humiliation came when Sousuke,  _ Sousuke _ of all people, had warned Haru something wasn’t right, begged him to find out the truth on Makoto’s phone. Someone who had seemingly disliked him, and often antagonized him, cared more about seeing Haru be fooled than the love of his life. It was wrong; everything had been so wrong.

Haru had been trying to fix things, he really was, but it was too little, too late. He had never known the extent of Makoto’s dissatisfaction with him and therefore couldn’t even hope to mend it.

Honestly, he should've pawned the ring instead of letting Rin have it. But he knew it would make its way to Makoto and it belonged to him, even if Haru's heart no longer did. That was probably the hardest fact to accept.

Some days Haru couldn’t do anything more than lay down in bed and cry. 

-

Sabazio was a natural when it came to cooking. His grandparents and parents had built their entire lives on it, and he was following in their footsteps. He dropped out of high school to apprentice with one of the most highly regarded chefs in Italy, bouncing between Michelin Star restaurants all over the country until he was thirty. He came to the outskirts of Paris two years ago when a strange, but generous man made him an offer he couldn’t refuse - a chance to open his own place. 

_ Sogno _ is a small neighborhood bistro specializing in seafood, but everything coming out of their kitchen was top quality. There was nothing Sabazio loved cooking or eating more than fish, and it showed in every dish he created. The restaurant didn’t have any accolades, but the seats were always fun and the customers always happy. That was enough for Sabazio. 

That is, until he started hearing the whispers from regular customers about some delectable, scrumptious, perfect fish pastries. Sabazio paid it no mind at first, but two weeks had passed with him hearing about it practically every day before he had to ask. He found out there was a bakery clear across town with a new hire - ‘imported from overseas,’ a woman giggled - making a name for himself with these savory treats. Sometimes he’d create up to five different kinds a day, each one more delicious than the last. More and more customers insisted Sabazio had to try them, teasing him about why he hadn’t thought of them first.

Of course he’s thought about using fish in pastries, he had pages of notebooks filled ideas.The truth was, Sabazio couldn’t bake to save his life. No amount of practice or instruction had helped, he was hopeless when it came to the science of baking. Now there was a mystery man creating pastries he had spent his career dreaming about, and he had to go see for himself.

On a day when  _ Sogno _ closes early, Sabazio barely makes it to  _ Boulangerie de Rêve _ before it closes, but he’s in luck - it had been a slow day and there were still a few of the notorious pastries left. He orders one of each, taking them outside to a bench so they can clean up the bakery in peace. 

Sabazio takes a bite of the first one, a salmon puff with perfectly golden crust, and stares in shock. It’s outstanding. Without finishing it, he moves onto the anchovy croissant, which is a wonderful blend of salt, umami, and richness. As Sabazio picks up the last pastry, a mackerel soufflé, he wonders if he’ll be disappointed. Mackerel was usually best simply prepared and Sabazio didn’t think it’d be bad, but not as outstanding as the others.

Sabazio had never been so happy to be wrong. The mackerel soufflé was perfection. 

Rushing back inside, Sabazio asks the girl who sold him the pastries if he could meet the patissier who made them. He needed to know how someone could create such things, he needed to share his ideas. Whoever made that mackerel tarte could move Sabazio’s own creations from paper to the oven. 

Unfortunately, the girl can only tell him to try coming back to the cafe earlier. Monsieur Nanase, their new baker from Japan, was usually only there in the mornings and left at different times during the day, whenever his work was done. Sabazio promises himself he’d keep coming back until he found him.

Over the next few weeks, Sabazio never catches a glimpse of the elusive baker, but learned tidbits about him from his coworkers. Monsieur Nanase walked to work everyday because he hated how the train seats faced each other. He would only serve customers as a last resort. He wasn’t exactly friendly with his coworkers, but he wasn’t mean either, he just came to work, did his job, and left. 

No one had ever seen him get a phone call or a text message, never heard him mention the name of anyone else. Monsieur Nanase seemed like a lonely and sad man who only had his work to keep him warm.

But there were rare occasions, Sabazio was told, when Monsieur Nanase had showed his softer side. He delivered a care package when he found out Ysabel was out sick with the flu and had no one to look after her. Perfected a gluten-free version of a favorite pastry for one of their regulars when they found out they had celiac’s disease. Went all the way across town with Gemma after they catered a late night event to make sure she got home safe. Loaned Pascal money for train tickets home to visit his brother and his new baby. 

The more Sabazio learned, the more of a mystery Monsieur Nanase became. He tried to put together an image in his head, but he couldn’t. The harsh hermit conflicted with the thoughtful and kind man. Was that how Japanese people were? He didn’t know anything about their culture outside of stereotypes and old samurai movies. Would he even know Monsieur Nanase when he saw him?

-

Haru had agreed to stay late because it was Estee’s son’s birthday. Unlike the first half of the day, which was all sun and blue skies, the evening had turned dark with rain so thick Haru couldn’t see across the street. Most of their stock had already sold, so there wasn’t much for Haru to do except clean the store and wait.

From the back, Haru hears the bell at the door jingle. He walks out to see a large, blond man, soaked to the bone and scowling. He reminds Haru of Sousuke, and instantly he’s set on edge. Memories claw at the latch of the chest where Haru has locked away his heart. 

“Please tell me you have a mackerel soufflé left.”

There’s an accent to his French Haru doesn’t recognize. It takes a few extra seconds to comprehend what he wants but he knows the word ‘mackerel’ in any form. 

“We’re out.”

“Tuna or salmon tarte?”

“Out.”

“Shrimp  gougères ?”   


“Out.”

“Any of the fish pastries left?”

“No, we sold out.”

The customer let out a frustrated groan. “With how today’s gone, I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Haru waits a minute for something to happen. For the man to give up and leave, for him to order something that was still in the pastry cases. But there’s nothing, and the nerves bouncing around in Haru’s stomach forces him to action.

“Wait here.” Haru goes into the kitchen and grabs a plate, walking around the counter to hold it out to the man. “I can’t sell to you, it’s only a test.”

The customer looks at Haru for the first time. He’s surprised to see the straight dark hair, intense eyes, features that were definitely not European. Was this Monsieur Nanase? Had Sabazio  _ finally _ met him?

Sabazio takes the plate with three pieces of  pâte à choux no longer than one of his fingers on it. He picks one up and takes a bite; inside is a lightly cooked mussel with dill  crème fraîche épaisse . A soft moan escapes his lips as his shoulders relax and he pops the rest into his mouth.

Haru blushes slightly, used to the exuberant responses of his coworkers, but feeling like this was the most honest response he’s gotten to his food. He takes a step back, suddenly realizing he’s a little too close to this stranger, and it’s little too intimate with just the two of them and silence in the store. That’s when Haru notices the collar of a chef’s jacket on the customer and feels the knots inside him ease a bit. 

He’s a chef too, no wonder he responds like that to food. “They’re all different.” Haru offers him, as much of an urge for him to eat as Haru would ever give. 

Sabazio quickly tries them and finds each one as delightful as the first. They were all mussels, but one had a rich tomato paste and the other was filled with preserved lemon, olive oil, and herbs.

“These are all wonderful! Try adding some garlic to the tomato one, I think that’s the flavor you’re missing.” He smiled softly as he handed the plate back to Haru, “I hope you start selling them soon.”

Haru clutches the plate to his chest, remembering how Makoto had stopped trying any of his experiments and rarely uttered a word of encouragement his way. He didn’t need this now. “I-I need to close.”

“Oh! Of course. I’m sorry about the rain,” he gestures to the puddle beneath him, “thank you so much for the food.”

Haru nods, only able to meet his eyes for a second.

With a smile transforming his entire face, Sabazio walks out the door, tossing a goodbye over his shoulder, “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Haru doesn’t get a chance to respond before the man disappears into the rain. While he locks the front door and closes  _ Boulangerie de Rêve _ , Haru tries to figure out if he wants to see the customer again or not.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building and baking.

Sabazio kicks himself the entire way home for not saying more to the man he thinks is Monsieur Nanase. An extra hard kick is for being too distracted by the food to ask the man’s name to even find out if it was Monsieur Nanase, or some other talented foreign chef who happened to move to Paris and make fish pastries.

By the time he gets to the station, Sabazio decides he really couldn’t be blamed. The mussel puffs were amazing, and would probably cause anyone to lose their train of thought. A proud smile hits his lips when he realizes he was most likely the first person other than the chef himself to try them.

The maybe-Monsieur Nanase bounces around in Sabazio’s thoughts the entire train ride home. All of the tidbits of information he’s learned try to fit with the few moments of interaction he had today. The man didn’t seem so standoffish to him - reserved and quiet, maybe - but that was usually a sign of a thoughtful person.

The rain stops by the time Sabazio is walking out of the station, but there’s still hardly a soul out on the streets. He makes good time getting home, the rest of his actions on autopilot - cooking dinner, tidying his apartment, showering the day’s work away. Mind still hazy with excitement and possibility, Sabazio lays in bed and falls asleep in an instant. He dreams of pastry and the ocean.

-

Despite the promise he made, Haru is surprised to see the rain soaked customer from last night in line with the regulars waiting for _Boulangerie de Rêve_ to open. He frowns and turns away when he accidentally makes eye contact with the stranger through the window. Haru doesn’t have the energy to deal with this today, he spent the entire night tossing and turning, trying to push away the hundred of questions he still has about Makoto and Rin and their affair.

Gemma opens the door precisely on time, customers rushing forward. Haru helps Ysabel pack the pastries while Gemma and Pascal handle anything having to do with speaking to people. Every so often Haru sneaks glances toward the man from yesterday. He’s hanging back, letting the people on a time crunch order ahead of him.

When the crowd thins, he bypasses Pascal and walks straight to the opposite side of the glass as Haru. “Are you Monsieur Nanase?”

Haru sends a betrayed look over at his co-workers who are supposed to intervene when customers try to talk to him. They are all pointedly occupied, recognizing Sabazio as the chef who has come in asking about Monsieur Nanase for weeks. Haru turns back to the man and eyes him warily. How did he already know his name?

“I’m Sabazio. Sabazio Affini”

Sabazio? _Saba_ … Mackerel. Haru’s shoulders relax a fraction. His grandma always told him names have meaning, so maybe this was a sign he should at least talk to this man for a few moments.

“Haruka Nanase. But Haru is-”

“Haruka!” Sabazio’s grin widened. “That’s a beautiful name!”

Haru curses the heat he feels rising in his cheeks. Praise for his food and his art was commonplace, but it has been a long time since anyone complemented Haru himself. Before he can fully recover, Sabazio is talking again. Haru makes out a fair amount of the individual words, but the long strings of sentences jumble together in his mind.

The frustrated look of confusion on Haru’s face tips off Sabazio. “Still learning French?” The frown on Haru’s face almost turns into a pout and Sabazio unconsciously burns the image into his memory. “Are you better at English?”

Haru nods, responding in kind, “We had to learn English in school.”

“I own a restaurant across town. My customers have been gushing over your pastries. I kept trying to meet you, but always missed you. Yesterday I was lucky!”

Haru looks down at the pastries in front of him, trying to hide his tiny smile of pride. “You have your choice of pastries this morning.”

“I know!” Sabazio is too excited. “I want one of everything!”

Haru’s eyebrow raises in question.

Sabazio laughs, “I promise I’m sharing with my staff. It’ll be a treat.”

Haru rolls his eyes a bit, but produces a large box and gently places one of every seafood pastry inside. It takes longer than usual, Haru arranging them inside the box in a way that pleases him artistically. Sabazio doesn’t seem to be in any hurry. When he’s finished with everything from the case, Haru quickly goes into the back and brings out more of the mussel choux from yesterday and sticks them inside in the free space.

Haru takes the box to the register and Sabazio obediently meets him there. Pascal nudges Ysabel, in awe Haru is actually serving a customer, and they share suspicious smiles. Sabazio pays and takes the box, holding it as reverently as Nagisa held his last Iwatobi-chan cream bread.

Sabazio gives him one last smile before turning toward the door. “See you tomorrow, Haruka!”

Haru quietly responds, “See you tomorrow.”

-

Sabazio comes back every day he can, as early as he can, asking for Haru each time, no matter how long it takes. After rolling his eyes and wiping off his flour covered hands, Haru always comes out from the back to greet and serve Sabazio. They have extended exchanges in a combination of English and Haru’s beginner’s French. At first, Haru is confused by his visits, but they’ve become part of his routine, just like visiting the aquarium or the fish mongers.

The only annoying part is the whispers of other customers and the teasing from his co-workers. Being so private, Haru is accustomed to rumors and gossip about his personal life. He can deal with it, but he hopes it doesn’t bother Sabazio. He keeps coming back, so for now, it must be alright.

Haru quickly appreciates Sabazio’s passion for food, especially after he brings Haru leftovers from _Sogno_ one evening. Squid ink pasta with a whole squid beautifully sliced and grilled, fresh tomatoes, and basil. He even brought along a small container of shaved pecorino romano cheese to throw on top, citing that he could not in good conscious put it on before the left the restaurant. The dish is amazing and Haru lets him hang out as he closes the shop. It becomes a regular thing, Haru letting Sabazio know when he has to stay late and Sabazio dutifully bringing dinner for them. Every meal is delicious, and Haru reciprocates by letting Sabazio take leftover pastries home or taste test his new ideas.

Their conversation sometimes flows away from the food, Sabazio telling stories about his years of experience as a chef in various restaurants, and the differences between Italy and France.

When Sabazio firsts asks Haru about his life, he hesitates. Haru’s used to talking about his food, but not about himself. Customers sometimes ask who the mysterious new patissier is, but it’s a fleeting curiosity at best, something to gossip about with neighbors. No one has been actually interested in Haru. No one asked why he fled across the globe, why he focused on seafood, what he did outside of the bakery.

Sabazio wants to know, though, and Haru knows him well enough by now he can tell he’s being sincere and not just making conversation. He gnaws on the inside of his cheek for a moment before slowly starting to answer all of Sabazio’s questions.

-

Haru watches Sabazio pace past the doors for the fifth time that morning. Mostly Haru is amused seeing him in a nervous state, but he’s curious about what’s keeping him from coming inside. He’s never had a problem barging in before, calling out ‘Haruka!’ in a singsong voice to get his attention while he’s in the back. The hesitancy now is out of character, but a little endearing.

After one more pass, Sabazio squares his shoulders and marches inside.

“Let’s be partners, Nanase-san!”

Shock overcomes Haru’s features. No one had spoken Japanese since arriving. Sanji helped translate for him only to secure apartment, but once the paperwork was signed, he stubbornly insisting the best way for Haru to learn French was to dive right in. Sabazio’s accent made the phrase hard to translate, but after a moment Haru understood.

“...partners?”

“Yes!” Sabazio pulls out his recipe book and flips it open to a page covered in drawings of pastries. “I can’t bake at all, but I’ve had dozens of ideas for savory pastries with fish. I’ve never met anyone who would be able to make my creations real, but you can!”

He was talking so fast Haru couldn’t understand every word he said, so he focused on the drawings. Unfortunately the notes are in what Haru assumed was Italian, but he understands by the sketches. “Your drawings are good.”

Sabazio’s beams at him, a bright smile Haru didn’t think was possible for his face. Haru can’t help but smile a little in response. His eyes continue scanning the page and fall upon a hastily scrawled recipe, a play on _flaugnarde_ made with a savory custard and mixed seafood.

“I’ll try this. If it’s good then I’ll talk to the owner about working with your restaurant.”

“Wonderful! When should we do it?”

Haru shrugs, not one for putting things off. “Tonight?”

Sabazio’s face is starting to hurt from smiling. “I’ll be here before you close.”

-

Sabazio steps in only moments before Haru locks the front door. He’s slightly out of breath, his cheeks and nose red from rushing. He’s carrying a small cooler, and when Haru eyes it, Sabazio explains he brought the seafood and produce they need for the _flaugnarde_.

Haru motions Sabazio to the back where he has already set up everything they need, even the oven is preheated. The basic pastry is easy to make, but they have to take Sabazio’s savory tweaks into consideration. Sabazio explains the flavors and textures he wants to create while he prepares the seafood and Haru mixes the modified batter. The additional herbs in the batter shouldn’t make a difference, but they have to lessen the sugar which can affect the texture and bake time. But this is an experiment, after all, and Haru finds it exciting.

Within an hour, the _flaugnarde_ is in the oven. Sabazio sautés the extra seafood and greens they didn’t use for them to snack on while they wait, easily falling into conversation like usual. If Sabazio was ever annoyed he did two-thirds of the talking between them, he never mentioned it.

A timer goes off and Haru kneels down for a peak. The edges are golden and when he pops the oven open and shakes the tin, the center doesn’t wobble. He figures it’s done enough and pulls it out and sets it on the cooling rack.

The hardest part of baking is waiting for things to cool. Thankfully, _flaugnarde_ is traditionally served a little warm and within fifteen minutes they take their first bite.  
Sabazio shoots Haru a worried glance, the dish is not quite what he had imagined or described, but better than any of his own attempts. He hopes Haru doesn’t blame himself for the result, or take it personally he didn’t immediately get it how Sabazio wants.

He also wasn’t sure what Haru was going to judge his decision on, and he hopes he didn’t spoil his one chance. But Haru only looks completive, not disgusted, and continues to eat his piece until it’s gone. Without saying a word, Haru grabs his notebook and makes a quick sketch of the finished dish and the cross section, jotting down a few notes to go with it.

Haru looks over at him, his eyes sparkle with amusement when he notices the apprehension clouding Sabazio’s face. “It took six months to get my mackerel soufflé to be perfect. I think I could get this right in a few more tries.”

Sabazio grins, his heart rate kicking up. “Does that mean…?”

“You have to come pick them up every morning. We don’t do delivery.” Haru gifts him with an excited smile. “And bring your notebook so we can pick out a few more recipes to try.”

-

It’s the fourth morning in a row where it’s only Haru working in the bakery kitchen. Sabazio had to return home for an unknown amount of time to help his family make arrangements for his sick grandmother. Haru is sympathetic, of course, he would’ve swam across an ocean to be by his own grandmother’s side once more.

But it’s been three months since _Boulangerie de Rêve_ and _Sogno_ \- since Haru and Sabazio - started their partnership. They spent almost all of those mornings together, and some evenings too when it was time to test out Sabazio’s recipes. It’s been less than a week of baking by himself, like he used to be, and Haru is lonely.

He hates it.

It’s not the loneliness itself Haru can’t stand, he had gotten used to that hollow feeling in his heart long before he left Makoto behind. It’s the fact Sabazio has so effectively wedged himself into Haru’s life. Haru can’t pinpoint when Sabazio’s presence in his kitchen became a constant, became part of his routine. Now that he’s gone, even just temporarily, Haru feels the void he left.

He tries not to think about it. He attempts to not be disappointed when it’s the pantry chef from _Sogno_ picking up the pastries in the morning. Tries not to imagine how Sabazio’s natural scowl turns into a smile whenever he greets him. Forces himself not to hum the random tunes he’s picked up from Sabazio singing around the kitchen as he helps with prep or cleans up.

He hates to admit it, but he was enjoying the sincere attention, praise, and company. Sabazio makes him feel something, and whatever it is, Haru hadn't experienced it for a while.

Staring into his blackberry _creme patissiere_ , Haru mentally kicks himself for getting attached.

-

Another two weeks of solo mornings passes by and Haru hits a wall. No matter how much he walks and swims, he’s restless. No matter how much he practices, his sketches don’t look right. No matter how much he researches and tinkers, no new recipes come to his mind. He’s stuck and the only difference is Sabazio’s absence.

He’s finally admitted to himself he has feelings for Sabazio. They may be romantic, but Haru can’t tell, the line between friends and lovers was always blurred with him and Makoto. There wasn’t any romantic grandstand, there was just an ordinary night sitting together under the kotatsu when Makoto had been brave enough to press his lips to Haru’s like he always wanted. Haru accepted his kiss and his heart without question, like becoming a couple was inevitable, just the natural next step in their already intimate relationship.

Plus, it’s been such a long time since Haru made a friend on his own, he wasn’t sure what that was like anymore. People had always come to him, even Sabazio did, but the thought of chasing after someone else was scary. Hadn’t he put his heart on the line with Makoto? He took a leap of faith buying that ring, and look how well that turned out.

He hates this confusion more than he hates being lonely.

Every day he curses Makoto and Rin for pushing him to this. For making him feel so scared and paranoid. For conditioning him to wonder if Sabazio cares about Haru as much as he cares about him. For making Haru wonder if Sabazio never left Paris at all, if he just needed an excuse to get away from him. Was he going to see him one day, laughing and smiling with someone else, like Haru’s existence never mattered at all?

Haru assumes the worst. He has to. It hurts less than hoping. He spends all day convincing himself he’d never hear from Sabazio again.

-

Haru’s sitting in his usual spot in front of the large viewing tank to the side of the walk-through tunnel. This section of the tanks is often looked over, most patrons preferring to go straight into the overhead views of the largest display in the aquarium. Haru likes his spot, the animals seem to linger a little longer over here on each of their passes than they do anywhere else.

At first Haru simply registers the presence of someone, but he’s too focused on getting the manta rays in front of him just right to look up. The person sits down next to him, which is curious because every other seat is empty, but Haru’s used to people wanting to take a look at his sketch pad. He’s adding the final touch to the tail when the person next to him speaks.

“It’s like the animals are posing for you.”

Haru turns abruptly to the voice, shocked to see Sabazio sitting next to him. “You’re...back.”

“Yes, grandmother is settled in a cousin’s house who will look after her.”

“What are you doing here?” Haru asks, immediately inwardly cringing at the brusque question.

“You weren’t at the store, I thought you might be here. I, um, wanted to see you.” He gave Haru an apologetic smile. What he was sorry for, Haru didn’t know. Maybe it was for intruding on his art time, maybe it was for not calling or messaging while he was away, maybe it was for having to leave, period.

Haru decided he didn’t care. “I’m glad you’re back…”

Sabazio smirks, a playful lilt in his voice, “Miss me?”

Haru stares at his drawing pad, hoping the dim lighting hides the blush he knows must be decorating his cheeks. “Yes.”

Sabazio’s eyes widen a fraction and his smile becomes more sincere. “I missed you too.”

They continue sitting, Haru filling the sheet of paper in front of him with mindless swirls, needing to occupy his mind and hands.

Finally, Sabazio speaks up, “You looked ready to throw me out when I came back to talk to you that first morning. What made you decide to give me a chance in your kitchen?”

Haru waits for a moment, even though he already knows the answer. “Your name…”

“My name?”

“In Japanese the word for mackerel is _saba_. It’s my favorite food, my grandma would make it for me everyday. The mackerel soufflé is for her… she taught me how to cook and I wanted to give her something back, even if she’s not around to try it.”

Haru’s mind wanders briefly, to happy and bright summers where he and his grandma eased each other of their loneliness. He blushes a little when he notices Sabazio’s soft expression watching him.

“A-anyway, I thought anyone with _saba_ in their name couldn’t be that bad…”

Sabazio lets out a clear laugh. “Were you right? Am I not that bad?”

Haru’s lips curl into a smile. “No… actually you’re pretty good.”

“Pretty good?” Another bout of laughter. “That’s high praise coming from _Monsieur Nanase_.”

Haru rolls his eyes and nudges Sabazio in the ribs a little harder than he has to.

Sabazio’s chuckles die down and they’re sitting in silence again. It’s comfortable; no tension sparks between them, only a shared peace watching sharks and fish swim in lazy circles around the tank.

Once again, it’s Sabazio who breaks the silence. This time his voice is so gentle and soft, Haru swears it can’t be real. “I like you, Haruka. More than a business partner, more than a friend. I hated being away from you for so long. I want to be together with you as much as I can.”

Haru feels the tears swelling in his eyes, blurring his vision. He’s so, so scared of getting hurt again, but he wants this. He wants it enough to take another leap of faith. “I… I like you too. ...like that.”

“Can I hold your hand?”

Haru nods and holds out his hand to him. Sabazio takes it, entwining their fingers in his firm grip. A warmth spreads from Haru’s fingertips throughout his whole body. He scoots a little closer, letting himself lean, arms pressing together, Haru’s cheek resting lightly on Sabazio’s shoulder. Haru feels Sabazio squeeze his hand in response, in reassurance. Neither of them can see each other’s faces, but they know the other is smiling.

Haru decides it is worth being brave, even if all he gets is this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more part left!! I hope you are all enjoying this story <3


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> growth and honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY!!! I honestly thought I posted this over a month ago!! It's been finished for that long! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the last part of this little story <3

Days and weeks pass in a flurry of pastry and adventures. 

Haru discovers more and more about Sabazio. He’s the type who collects information and remembers it all when he needs it. No matter how many times it happens, Haru is surprised whenever Sabazio recalls some tidbit Haru offendedly mentioned months ago. 

Sabazio quickly learns how to read Haru, knows his moods from the tone of his voice or his posture sitting or standing. But even though he knows, Sabazio doesn’t assume. He constantly asks Haru what he can do for him, what he wants, what he’s thinking. Eventually Sabazio doesn’t have to inquire as often because Haru starts to offer the information on his own.

Sabazio remains as talkative as ever, and the open communication flowing between them is a refreshing change for Haru. It’s more effort on Haru’s part than he’s used to, but he promised himself to learn from his mistakes. He never wants to look back on his time with Sabazio and feel like he didn’t do enough.

Haru is constantly spoiled by Sabazio. Not necessarily with gifts or money - they take turns paying for things- but with his time, attention, and affection. 

In the six months they’ve already been together, Sabazio takes him all over France. They start small, thoroughly exploring Paris after one night when Haru admits he’s never been to the Eiffel Tower despite it being an incredibly short walk from the aquarium he visits at least once a week. It takes them four, day-long visits to see all of the Louvre, but after that accomplishment, they’re hungry to experience more together. Soon enough, they’re taking long weekends to go out of town and, before the summer ends, they have a week long trip booked to London for Sabazio’s birthday in autumn.

Haru also learns (and relearns) more about himself during this time than he has over the course of years. He’s not as antisocial or selfish as he - and others - thought he was. Knowing Sabazio is there to help him if he needs it, Haru feels brave enough to spend more time with others. He accepts invitations for drinks with his co-workers, finally agrees to come over for dinner and meet the fishmongers’ families, and accepts the offers of several parents from the aquarium to give their children art lessons (he doesn’t accept their money, having no need for the extra income and feeling satisfied enough to see the kids happy). 

At first Haru worries he’ll spread his energy too thin, but the positive interactions start to reinvigorate him. He even starts chatting with some of their regular customers at the bakery. They’re shocked at first, but it endears  _ Boulangerie de Rêve _ even more to them and business booms. 

Haru still enjoys the quiet, the time by himself now feeling less and less lonely. Sabazio’s presence is more often close by, but he doesn’t intrude. When Haru’s batteries need to be recharged, Sabazio does what he can, usually pulling Haru into his strong embrace and letting the sound of their heartbeats be the only thing filling their ears.

After a little experimenting, Haru remembers he quite likes kissing and cuddling when the expectation of sex isn’t looming over him, when he’s allowed to live in the moment and enjoy being close to someone. Sabazio doesn’t rush, doesn’t push Haru’s boundaries. Whenever his lips or hands want to wander, he makes sure it’s okay with Haru. There’s no bitterness or disappointment when Haru hesitates to agree or outright declines, Sabazio moves back into Haru’s comfortable space as if nothing happened. 

This kindness always makes Haru want to cry. Half of him hopes this is proof he could be loved in the way he wants, but the rest of him fears the day when Sabazio’s patience hits his limit.

-

Haru returns home after a stressful morning. He’s been on edge since the night before when the final dam around his heart was breached and he told Sabazio everything. His entire history with Makoto, how he fled to Paris to make sure he never saw Makoto or Rin again, why everything fell apart.

Sabazio quietly accepts everything Haru said, including Haru’s explanation of his lack of interest in sex. Out of all it, sharing this part scares Haru the most. Even a man as patient and loving as Sabazio wouldn’t be happy or satisfied in a sexless relationship. Haru knows Sabazio will be gone when he gets home, despite his sleepy assurances he’d be there when Haru’s shift was over. 

Haru walks into his apartment, expecting dark and cold, but he’s welcomed back with the scent of an amazing dish bubbling away on the stove. The soft melody of an Italian singer Haru has heard before plays in the background. Haru is speechless as he enters his kitchen and sees Sabazio with an apron around his waist and a dishcloth thrown over his shoulder, sleeves rolled up to keep them out of the food. Sabazio turns around, his natural scowl melting into a wide smile. “Haruka, welcome home!”

“You’re still here,” is all Haru can blurt out, instantly cringing at how harsh the words sound.

Sabazio doesn’t seem to mind, though, long since used to Haru’s habit of saying the first thing that pops into his head when he’s surprised. 

He clicks off the burner and steps toward Haru. Placing his hands on Haru’s hips and gently kissing his nose, he asks, “Did you want me to leave?”

“No! Not all all, it’s just… after I told you about… I thought…” Haru looks down, cursing the tears welling in his eyes. He whispers, “I thought you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. I-I can’t give you what you want and it’d be better if we ended things now before you get fed up with me and…”

He trails off, overcome with images - real and imagined - of Makoto and Rin. Makoto smiling at Rin like how he used to smile at Haru. Rin running his fingers through Makoto’s soft hair.  Makoto pressing his lips against Rin’s hungrily. Rin moaning Makoto’s name as he leans over him, hands everywhere. Makoto chanting Rin’s name like a prayer as he-   


“Haruka.”

Sabazio’s firm but loving voice and calloused fingers on his cheeks snap Haru out of his soul crushing reverie.

“Haruka, answer me honestly,” he pauses to make sure Haru is here with him, “Do you still want to go on dates with me? Hold my hand and take silly pictures that have locals rolling their eyes at us? Will you eat my food every day and fill me with pastries until I have a stomach ache? Will you still teach me Japanese even though I’m terrible at it? Will you continue to kiss me? On the lips, cheeks, hair, hands, anywhere that needs it? Will you stay up too late talking about nothing with me or fall asleep early in my arms? Do you love me?”

Haru’s tears flood down his cheeks at every question. He nods emphatically to each one, his hands gripping Sabazio’s wrists to make sure he is still here too. At the last question, Haru cries out, “Yes!” 

Yes, he loves him, of course he loves him, even though it’s terrifying and Haru knows exactly how much it could hurt. He couldn’t stop himself from loving this man who gives Haru his all and accepts everything Haru offers in return like it is a precious gift.

At the affirmation, Sabazio smiles gently, kissing Haru’s lips softly. “And I love you too. The things we have now and will share in the future are a blessing, Haruka. I don’t need more, I’m already happier than I ever imagined. It’s enough, Haruka, you’re enough.”

It was something Haru always doubted. Parents who didn’t feel a desire or obligation to raise him. Not being able to help his grandmother live a few more years. Constantly being criticized for being good enough to swim professionally, but lacking the passion to do so. Unable to properly voice how much he loved Makoto and show him with his body how much Makoto was, in fact, wanted.

Haru had always been a disappointment to the people he cared about, the people who he wanted to love him. He was defective, he always was. 

But here, for once, he feels hope that maybe he isn’t broken or worthless. That someone can value him - all of him - without conditions or limitations. 

Haru threw his arms around Sabazio’s neck, earning him a surprised but pleased ‘oomph!’ He holds on tighter still as he feels strong arms encircle his torso and warm hands press against his back. Haru’s wounds aren’t gone, not by a long shot, but they are healing, faster now with the careful touch of Sabazio. If Haru could stay like this, if Sabazio would consent to be his new home, he knows he’ll be okay. 

-

Tired of their empty house, the Tachibanas are hosting a couple exchange students during the upcoming school year. Ever the dutiful son, Makoto agrees to come home and pack up his things as well as Ren and Ran’s rooms for storage. It’s actually pretty fun, looking back at how much he’s grown since he left home. There are many mementos involving Haru, but it makes him more nostalgic than sad. He wonders if his now honest relationship with Rin is what makes it hurt less. 

Curiosity overcomes him and he opens a tab on his laptop to Facebook. On the top of the feed is Nagisa’s latest photo album, entitled “PARIS VACATION!! <3” It is the usual tourist pictures and Makoto smiles and chuckles, enjoying them until he spies a familiar face.

It’s Haru.

Haru with his hair cut a little shorter, his skin a little tanner. Haru looking surprisingly older, as if the events the past year aged him a few extra years overnight. Makoto briefly wonders if he has the same lines around his eyes and mouth.

He focuses back on Haru. He’s smiling - his sly little half smile - and going along with all of the ridiculous poses Nagisa makes them do in every photo. It fills Makoto’s heart to see him, especially seeing him happy, but all happiness is squeezed out when the next photo is a candid shot of Haru and a handsome man Makoto doesn’t recognize. 

The man is pulling flower petals from Haru’s hair with one hand, his other arm wrapped around Haru’s waist. The photo caught Haru mid laugh, his hands pressing against the man’s chest, fingers gently gripping his shirt.

It’s an intimate moment, painfully so. Makoto wonders if catching Haru having sex with another man might be less painful than seeing Haru being so open and vulnerable and  _ happy _ in someone else’s arms. 

Against his better judgement, Makoto keeps clicking through the pictures. Haru resting his head on the man’s shoulder during a boat tour on the Seine river. Haru holding hands with him as they pose in front of an illuminated Notre Dame during twilight. The man sneaking a kiss when he thinks the others aren’t looking (Haru is flipping off the camera, knowing full well Nagisa is always watching).

When the album starts over, he goes through it again and again, trying to sort out exactly what he’s seeing. When he finally accepts this man as Haru’s new  _ lover _ , he’s back on that first picture with the flower petals.

At first Makoto hates it, feels his heart breaking all over again. He even goes as far as to curse Haru for not giving him a second chance to make amends, to prove Haru could trust him again. But as he continues to stare, he notices the utter happiness etched onto Haru’s face, the way Haru and his mystery man look at each other with complete understanding and acceptance. It was how he and Haru used to look at each other, or so he thought, but it was  _ more _ . Something deeper that could only be known by being hurt; a commitment to always treasure each other and keep no secrets. 

Haru’s is an unguarded and honest expression Makoto hasn’t seen for years. He wonders when Haru stopped looking at him like that. When did fear and doubt start stealing the light from Haru’s eyes? When had Haru stopped believing he was special to Makoto?

More importantly, when did Makoto stop treating Haru like he was? 

The jealousy and anger dissolves into a pain in his chest that throbs in rhythm with his heartbeat. Never in his wildest dreams nor his weakest moments, did Makoto ever think Haru would be with someone else. It isn’t that Makoto doesn’t believe Haru is desirable; he knows exactly how handsome and sexy Haru is, even if he himself never did. Haru is naturally and effortlessly alluring, his quiet intensity only adding to his appeal. 

No, it’s no surprise someone had pursued Haru, the shock is Haru allowing himself to be caught. Makoto thought he was special, after all; Haru never showed any interest in anyone else. He didn’t even comment on celebrities that were inarguably attractive. Haru only ever had eyes for Makoto, even if he didn’t express his love in the way Makoto wanted.

The longer he looks, the more the throbbing slows and fades. It’s still there, a peculiar heaviness in his heart, but it’s a feeling he can live with. Makoto knows it’ll never fully go away, knows he’ll never stop loving Haru. And that’s okay. 

Haru deserves to be happy, deserves to be loved and taken care of. Haru deserves this. And Makoto is alright, something that surprises him more than anything, if he’s not the one to do it. All Makoto wants to see, maybe what he’s always wanted to see, is Haru filled with joy.

He reaches out and runs a finger over Haru’s cheek, smiling despite the tears running down his face. Silently he wishes Haru all of the love and success the universe could ever offer him before he closes the tab and gets back to cleaning.

-

Haru sits in the window of Sabazio’s living room, bathed in moonlight. He woke up after a dream about Makoto. For once it was a pleasant one, a memory of their youth and the first time Makoto told him he loves him. He got up after that, kissing Sabazio’s cheek before sneaking out of bed.

They’re spent the entire day celebrating many things - two years since Haru moved to Paris, a year and a half since  _ Boulangerie de Rêve  _ and  _ Sogno _ started their partnership, Haru and Sabazio’s first anniversary as a couple. 

They were surrounded by their friends and loved ones, Sabazio’s two younger sisters even made the trip to Paris to meet the man who was able to fill Sabazio’s mind with something other than cooking. They’re sweet girls and after only one day, Haru feels like he’s been accepted into the family.

Looking back at how this all started, Haru never expected the most heartbreaking moment in his life would start him down a path to being more happy and fulfilled than he imagined possible. How Makoto and Rin hurt him would never be forgotten, but Haru now has the room in his heart to forgive them. 

He pulls out his phone and opens his email to compose a message. He hopes the address still works.

 

_ Dear Makoto, _

 

_ Maybe this message is too late and you’ve forgotten about me already, but I need to write this, even if you never read it. _

_ Running away from you like I did was selfish, but it was what I needed to do at the time. I’m sorry for the pain the it caused you, but I hope you understand why I had to do it. _

_ Remember how I didn’t have a dream in high school? I think in Japan I was starting to realize I did have one, but felt like I couldn’t achieve it. I was stuck and frustrated, we both were.  _

_ What you did wasn’t right, but now I understand why. We were fighting against growing and changing, becoming the people we were meant to be. It broke us both. _

_ I am living my dream now, though, running a bakery where I get to make as many mackerel souffles as I want. We have a line down the block every morning. _

_ I’m happy, Makoto. I’m really happy. _

_ I hope you are living your dream. I hope whatever you’re doing, you’re happy too. _

 

_ Love, always, _

_ Haruka _

 

Haru sets his phone down and goes back to bed. The instant he climbs in, Sabazio’s arms are around him, pulling Haru against his chest. Haru snuggles close, breathing in the cinnamon and clove soap Sabazio uses. Haru falls asleep with a smile on his face, feeling like he’s floating.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this!! I hope that it satisfied those of you who read @OhMyNanase's story with what happened to Haru! 
> 
> Or if you haven't read it, I hope you enjoyed this little story of Haru moving on and growing up, following his dream. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! <3 This will be a three part story, so please stay tuned!


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